Sort of an oxymoron right? Summer usually is defined as a time of relaxation and peaceful time for one to engage in extracurricular activities and bask in the sunlight that great Mother Nature provides for us, but that's not exactly how things started off for me.
I already knew this summer would not be as restful as I would like it to be, but with Italy on my mind I know it is only temporary stress that will disappear the moment I step onto the plane- at least I'm hoping.
As soon as spring semester ended and troubles with my knee continued, I had about three days to semi-relax and get my mind together only to start more classes and have more work thrown at me. It's a vicious cycle of wake, work, sleep, wake, work, sleep, wake, work...yea. It makes me question my motives of graduating early and than I am thrown into this daydream of thoughts and visions of what my life can be once I'm out of school and I snap back in and know I'm going in the right direction.
What the direction is...hmm....so....yea.....I'm still sort of trying to figure that out, but really I promise- I'm on the way. There has been a reason for everything in my life thus far, so I know that what has happened and the people I've met are helping me through this journey to finding out my purpose. I figure- the only way to find your purpose is if you just stop looking. Just like when you're seeking out a relationship, why do so? Sometimes you're wasting energy that could be used toward other things- it's this untangible thing that usually comes out of left field when you're busy swatting flies and hits you unexpectedly...so for the time being...just let it be. The Beatles had it right. Timing. Positivity. Patience.
The only purpose I know right now is that taking classes in the summer will bring me closer to graduation. Done and done. Now what I do after graduation and whether it'll lead me closer to my purpose is something unanswerable and quite honestly I like it that way. Not knowing sometimes can be one of the best things for you. The more you know (or that I know) the more I stress sometimes. It's hard being a truth-seeking Scorpio though, but maybe it's good to lay back and set life free.
Three classes. Yep, three. Tres. Tre. In one summer session! Phew- Time to get on my grind for sure. I started a new job too and this is what I was most excited about. I finally landed a job where I can put my creative journalism and web media skills into action! Working at the Office of Sustainability was definitely not something I expected to be doing. The job just came to me one day as I visited the office to speak with the Director (now my boss) and the graduate student workers (now my colleagues) about general activities and environmental things going on on campus. I couldn't believe I walked out of the office with a job! Web and Media Assistant. Has a reallllly nice ring to it eh? And with both web media and environmental work involved, I knew this was the right job for me.
Week by week I followed the routine of classes, work, classes...and managed to make it through 20+ hour work weeks and the insane classwork. One class in particular really had me bogged down: TV NEWS REPORTING.
This class should have a disclaimer built on it! WOW- the proposals, the shooting, the editing, the writing, and the overall production. Every week there'd be a whole new package due and every weekend I'd have to shoot footage, do interviews, and edit my material. It was very time-consuming and now that the class is coming to an end, I can honestly say that I do not regret spending those hours of my time on the projects. This class has helped me fine my talents and interests in the Journalism field. Sure I like writing. Sure I like reporting. And Sure I like doing it all. But really what I realized was that I really enjoy shooting video footage and capturing images and making them come alive. Whether it be with a digital camera or digital camcorder, I had this new desire to take pictures and cover stories visually. The beauty of perspective and the art of photography started to radiate through my fingertips as I took more and more pictures and recorded more and more shots. Maybe I was finally onto something...we'll see where it takes me :) The more mistakes I made working on my packages the more my skills improved. I realized that I'm a student journalism still learning the basics and after time and practice things like getting the audio right or catching the right shot or writing in the right tense will come naturally to me. It really isn't worth getting frustrated. I made peace with myself. The challenges were invigorating and exactly what I needed this summer.
The theme of the class was Immigration in Philadelphia. I decided to cover Italian Immigration in Philadelphia and felt like it was an opportunity for me to cover Italian- American stories to add to my resume. Because I am minoring in Italian, I hope to do something with Italian travel, writing, photography, reporting, etc. I have a strong interest in the Italian culture both in America and in Italy itself. I would love to start my career in this field because it is where my interest, knowledge and creativity really shines.
A few times I had to escape and I went into the city to sit and relax for awhile. People watching and being out in nature is so incredible and it helped bring my stress levels down. I'm learning how to breathe. Finally I am accepting my life and learning to become concious of my thoughts and feelings enough to know which are wasting my energy and which are helping me grow spiritually. The first step of reaching enlightened conciousness includes acknowledging your thoughts and egoic mind. When you live in the past rather than the present moment of your life you carry negative emotions and past occurrences with you that may slow you down. As Eckhart Tolle says, "Almost everyone carries in his or her energy field an accumulation of old emotional pain, which I call the 'pain-body.' Any negative emotion that is not fully faced and seen for what it is in the moment it arises does not completely dissolve. It leaves behind a remnant of pain."
Remnants of pain that I am ready to let go of. Past experiences that need to stay in the past and not affect my life now. How can you enjoy life if you're always living in the past or even in the future? Why cloud your present conciousness with things that happened in the past, especially if they were negative and caused you physical/emotional pain? It's not so easy, but we are all capable of letting go of the past and leaving the future in the future and giving every second of the day our full attention. Today's society relies too much on deadlines and looking ahead or looking back on what already happened and sure it's necessary because without that way of thinking advancements wouldn't be made and no one would learn from mistakes, but in terms of personal lifestyles those thoughts should be filtered.
But who am I to preach spiritual enlightenment and becoming fully concious if I'm still learning? Well, at least I'm taking the steps to do it and though its a struggle and I'm not doing it perfect, at least I'm trying. Sometimes I think I'm going crazy thinking this way, but who in this world doesn't have a little bit of crazy in them? :)...I know that my trip to Italy will allow for further growth of my conciousness and this getaway will allow me to breathe a bit deeper and with more ease. I'll be able to release a lot of the stress that has been building up this summer session because this is not how I want to be spending my summer...but it has only just begun.
No comments:
Post a Comment